Letter to Myself

My dear woman,

Today is a day that you will always remember.  He drove away.  He said goodbye to his child, removed his wedding ring, got into his truck and drove to another city.  You watched him drive all of the way to the end of the road and turn right onto the highway.  You even checked a few times after that to make sure he didn’t come back.  Of course he’d be back… this was amicable, as he put it. 

It feels exhilarating and scary.  You are tentatively testing the liberation and freedom, cautiously not allowing yourself to feel too much emotion. Remember – you are alone now, to raise your son.  That is serious. 

You need to remember to be enough for yourself. Accept yourself for who you are and the truths that you’ve lived. Do not be shamed. Do not hide. Do not let yourself feel that your grievances are not allowed or are undeserving. Hold your head high and let it be enough that you are here, now, standing and still embracing life. Let it be enough that you woke up this morning to a beautiful son who loves you. Let it be enough that you still have too many blessings to count. Let today be enough. Don’t think about tomorrow. Be present. Choose joy. Tell yourself every cliché in the world to feel better. Be enough. It is simple.

Some days you will need to take it one hour at a time. You will steal yourself away from your anxieties and stresses to do a reality check, to make sure you are being enough, doing enough, saying enough. But the answer will always be yes. You must be gentle on yourself. You will have good days and bad days. Life will throw more lemons and curve balls and toads at you. And it is enough to attempt to make lemonade, to hit it out of the park, or to kiss the toad just in case. But sometimes lemons will be too rotten, curve balls will be missed, and toads will simply be that – toads. And those days, remember that you are enough because you tried, you loved, you survived.