push.

The other night I stepped up on the treadmill and started my first Couch to 5K session on my iPhone app. I like those apps – they make the choice of what to do and for how long for me. I get too bored running at a consistent speed for a full workout. So the…

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end of detour

At the end (or beginning) of our day there are so many of us that choose to do something from our list of to-dos besides exercise. The other month I had a free night and actually re-caulked the bathtub instead of exercise. Another night I retreated to my bedroom an hour before bed to “clean…

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you can’t make a dog pee in a rainstorm

Things that are out of our control can be so frustrating. There is so much these days that we have control of. Think about it. Apps on our phone help us control where and when we pick up our groceries, when our order is ready at Chick-fil-a, what seat we want for our flight. It…

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shattered

I feel like a phony and a cheat. I have tried so hard to be strong and real and true to myself and my son. But I think along the way, I lied to myself (and cheated myself) a little. Here I am complaining that my husband cheated and lied to me about, well, everything,…

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no more

did you see it? you were so busy watching yourself that I think you missed it could you feel it? you were so busy feeling her, I don’t think you felt it did you hear it? you were so busy talking, you forgot to listen for anything So do you know? What happened? I stopped.…

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blurt

“My husband left me.” I blurted it out to the teenage cashier. I was in the check-out lane at the grocery store. Last week, I did the same thing to the poor lady at the car rental desk. That same week I said it twice to the vet tech giving my dog an annual exam.…

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interlude

Her fingers thoughtfully tapped the empty pillow next to her. Her eyes gazed slowly around the quiet room, the morning sun squeaking through the shut blinds, the dresser with drawers neatly and perfectly closed, the pile of clean laundry shoved into the corner; her eyes rested on the untouched, empty side of the bed. The…

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gone.

I look at you and you look at me and there is nothing to be nothing in between nothing in you and nothing in me the past is a box, locked and sealed and thrown away I feel nothing do you? I tried dissecting it all but there was nothing to dissect it’s gone you’re…

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The rundown is… running me down.

Today I was telling a new counselor about my husband and my situation. I have found that it is a sad, disturbing thing for me… to give someone a rundown of the last six months. Or to give someone an update. I hate being faced with the silence of someone anticipating my answer to such…

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