20 minutes

I tried to meditate a little last night while wearing this fancy face mask that I found in a box of stuff. I don’t know where the mask came from but it looked legit and I wanted to feel pampered. The directions said to leave the mask on for 20 minutes. I took a gulp…

Read More

progress

Today I felt a little bit of personal progress. I was running an errand without my toddler in tow and I did not listen to angry music the entire time. I didn’t keep listening to Eminem’s new album over and over. I switched over to a little Collective Soul and Snow Patrol. And that was…

Read More

autopsy of a marriage

I never know when I’ll start thinking about my failed marriage. When I’ll start looking to place blame on someone or something. To understand the exact moment when everything changed. Or maybe it was a series of moments. Sometimes I lie in my bed at night, lights off, eyes shut, and mind racing. Sometimes it…

Read More

Notice: This is not a rollercoaster

I hate the expression emotional rollercoaster. I especially hate it when someone uses that expression when they talk about separation and divorce, or even dealing with a narcissistic, cheating spouse. It contradicts the truth of the emotions. A rollercoaster is something I choose to ride, and even sometimes pay to ride. I know the ride…

Read More

you can’t make a dog pee in a rainstorm

Things that are out of our control can be so frustrating. There is so much these days that we have control of. Think about it. Apps on our phone help us control where and when we pick up our groceries, when our order is ready at Chick-fil-a, what seat we want for our flight. It…

Read More

shattered

I feel like a phony and a cheat. I have tried so hard to be strong and real and true to myself and my son. But I think along the way, I lied to myself (and cheated myself) a little. Here I am complaining that my husband cheated and lied to me about, well, everything,…

Read More

no more

did you see it? you were so busy watching yourself that I think you missed it could you feel it? you were so busy feeling her, I don’t think you felt it did you hear it? you were so busy talking, you forgot to listen for anything So do you know? What happened? I stopped.…

Read More

blurt

“My husband left me.” I blurted it out to the teenage cashier. I was in the check-out lane at the grocery store. Last week, I did the same thing to the poor lady at the car rental desk. That same week I said it twice to the vet tech giving my dog an annual exam.…

Read More

interlude

Her fingers thoughtfully tapped the empty pillow next to her. Her eyes gazed slowly around the quiet room, the morning sun squeaking through the shut blinds, the dresser with drawers neatly and perfectly closed, the pile of clean laundry shoved into the corner; her eyes rested on the untouched, empty side of the bed. The…

Read More