gone.

I look at you and you look at me and there is nothing to be nothing in between nothing in you and nothing in me the past is a box, locked and sealed and thrown away I feel nothing do you? I tried dissecting it all but there was nothing to dissect it’s gone you’re…

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The rundown is… running me down.

Today I was telling a new counselor about my husband and my situation. I have found that it is a sad, disturbing thing for me… to give someone a rundown of the last six months. Or to give someone an update. I hate being faced with the silence of someone anticipating my answer to such…

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Fireflies

My dog anxiously stood by the door, his tail wagging, tongue out, ready to go sniff and snort all of the good night time smells. My anger that I’ve held for the last few weeks has started to fade a little and tonight I was left with a muddled numbness. I didn’t match my dog’s…

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the breaking.

i can feel the breaking i can hear it can you? we used to hum the mechanics of a machine with parts not made to work together, but determined to do so. a low-frequency, heavy hum but now, do you hear it? breaking. a million tiny bones breaking one by one crackling. crickling. snapping i…

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Mad.

Tonight I have tried writing something thought-provoking and polite. Something that digs deep into my emotions but flattens it in a healthy and therapeutic way. Something that explores this life I am trying to build post-abandonment by my husband. Something that makes me feel stronger, like a beautiful decree against his emotional abuse that makes…

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Sally Sells Seashells

For the first time in 4 years, I took a vacation. For the first time since I’d been married, I took a vacation that didn’t involve an argument the night before we left, a vacation that didn’t include a smart-ass comment about women’s intelligence when I needed to pee 3 hours into the drive, and…

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Can we love too much?

The question popped into my head while I was picking up my son’s toys tonight. I enjoyed it – picking up his much-loved cars and trucks, placing them around in his favorite spots. He had cleaned up a bulk of his toys, but there were a few stray ones that never made it off of…

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Letter to the Other Woman

To the [fortunate/unfortunate] lady that he loves, I think I figured out your name today. I found a letter that you gave him. Your handwriting, a penned “I love you” written at the end. Your signature. I’m not sure if I’m right, but the picture of you that I found… I can see why he…

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