home

What makes a home? I kept asking myself that question, over and over today. Was I a good wife? Am I a good mom? I kept asking those over and over, too. They circled and swirled in my head with no accompanying answers. I went to my old house today. The lost house. The failed…

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tiny boxes

I saw it. I saw your real smile the other day. I haven’t seen it in many, many months, maybe even a year… or two. You were three feet away and yet a million miles away from me and looking at your phone. I think you were texting with her. Or maybe you were looking…

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progress

Today I felt a little bit of personal progress. I was running an errand without my toddler in tow and I did not listen to angry music the entire time. I didn’t keep listening to Eminem’s new album over and over. I switched over to a little Collective Soul and Snow Patrol. And that was…

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no more

did you see it? you were so busy watching yourself that I think you missed it could you feel it? you were so busy feeling her, I don’t think you felt it did you hear it? you were so busy talking, you forgot to listen for anything So do you know? What happened? I stopped.…

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gone.

I look at you and you look at me and there is nothing to be nothing in between nothing in you and nothing in me the past is a box, locked and sealed and thrown away I feel nothing do you? I tried dissecting it all but there was nothing to dissect it’s gone you’re…

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Mad.

Tonight I have tried writing something thought-provoking and polite. Something that digs deep into my emotions but flattens it in a healthy and therapeutic way. Something that explores this life I am trying to build post-abandonment by my husband. Something that makes me feel stronger, like a beautiful decree against his emotional abuse that makes…

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